So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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