Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We're too hungover to prance.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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