Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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