Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
