My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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