Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
