Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
