Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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