are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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