Your tits are I can't wait for
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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