Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
