No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
