Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
