apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
