I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
