Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
