dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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