i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
