You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
