You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
