Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
