Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
