Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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