Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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