im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
