Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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