Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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