I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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