sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
