Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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