Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
