Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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