I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
