just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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