I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm at about main and main street
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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