too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I need a beard to bite.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
