You can't motorboat a personality
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
