zippers are such a cool invention
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
