Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
third nipple confirmed
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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