i already hear my dad disowning me
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
