We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
