remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
