im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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