Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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