he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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