hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
home. puking in laundry basket.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
