I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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