Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
