u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
