I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
